Baywatch (2017)

Review

116min

Genre:       Action, Comedy

Director:    Seth Gordon

Cast:         Dwayne Johnson, Zac Efron, Priyanka Chopra…and more

Writers:     Jay Scherick, Damian Shannon, Mark Swift… and more

-Synopsis-

A group of eager new recruits—including a talented but reckless maverick—compete to join the ranks of the implausibly beautiful lifeguards who patrol the beaches of sunny Florida, helping to foil a dangerous criminal conspiracy along the way in this film comedy adaptation of the globally popular 80s and 90s kitsch TV series.

With Hollywood riding a latest wave of movie adaptations of fondly remembered but camp and dated 80s and 90s TV shows, and films like ’21 Jump Street’ and ‘CHIPs’ making irreverent R-rated comedy versions the way to go (with mixed results)—director Seth Gordon (Horrible Bosses, Identity Thief) teams up with star and executive producer Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson to get in on the act and give us their take on the slow-motion running, titillating yet innocent global hit show ‘Baywatch’.

Charismatic man-mountain Johnson takes up the David Hasselhoff role of ‘Mitch Buchannon’—a respected lead Baywatch lifeguard and overall beach guardian—supported by his capable deputy ‘Stephanie’ (Ilfenesh Hadera) and red swimsuit-clad vision of perfection ‘CJ’ (Kelly Rohrbach), originally immortalised by Pamela Anderson. With his team bolstered by new recruit ‘Matt Brody’ (Zac Efron)–a self-centred Olympic champion swimmer who may be more trouble than he’s worth—plus spirited newcomer ‘Summer Quinn’ (Alexandra Daddario) and the dedicated but physically limited ‘Ronnie’ (Jon Bass), Buchannon exceeds his lifeguard duties to take on powerful businesswoman ‘Victoria Leeds’ (Priyanka Chopra) . . . who has sinister plans for his beloved beachfront.

A big studio movie version of ‘Baywatch’ inevitably comes with clear expectations from an audience, whether low or high, and most of them will met by what’s on show here. Expect a silly and virtually inconsequential plot which plays second fiddle to a barrage of jokes and jiggly bits—with inconceivably fit and sexy stars running around and delivering witty banter and lewd quips crafted by a small army of writers, going meta by parodying the camp and titillating nature of the original TV show while simultaneously taking full advantage of it.

As nostalgic or rose-tinted as your memories may be of the original show if you watched it, or as much as you may bemoan the current trend of endless Hollywood remakes and reboots, let’s not pretend that ‘Baywatch’ has much to live up to, apart from an endearing campness and plenty of ogling material. Yet with a huge budget for a comedy film, plenty of writers and the 260 pounds of charisma that is Dwayne Johnson, the least we expect are consistent laughs and a healthy hit-to-miss comedy ratio—but in keeping with the uninspired story and poorly conceived action, it seems that was too much to ask for.

‘Baywatch’ certainly has its merits and moments, plenty of eye candy and the sheer brazen aesthetics of it all—treated comedically to make it more palatable—plus a few genuinely hilarious moments and the belly laughs to go with it. But they’re few and far between and the nostalgia combined with self-referential comedy can only go so far, failing to polish what is ultimately an unimaginative and most criminally a rather dull action/comedy—and even leaving your brain at the door on the way in won’t make it enjoyable for the full two hours it drags on for.

Even former Hercules himself Dwayne Johnson can’t quite carry this disappointing weight on his considerable shoulders, despite all of his charms and the best one-liners in the film, and indeed all of the beautiful creatures on show look the part but struggle to do much with the little narrative they have to work with. Only Alexandra Daddario stands out for having a little more depth than meets the eye, while Zac Efron seems committed to a course of looking good in irreverent R-rated comedies—which depending on your opinion on his last several efforts maybe be a good or a bad thing . . . for us it’s certainly the latter.

Ultimately pretty people flaunting their stuff and delivering endless dick jokes— often quite literal penis humour—can only go so far, and although the film’s commitment to crude humour is absolute, it’s dedication to creatively using its large action/comedy film budget is non-existent. Nostalgia and name recognition aside, ‘Baywatch’ is just another outrageous modern profane comedy—fun to look at for while and boasting a few legitimate belly laughs, but quickly becoming tedious and formulaic . . . and nowhere near as mindlessly entertaining as it thinks it is.

The Bottom Line . . .

Loud & proud, lewd & crude and packed with heavenly creatures, ‘Baywatch’ is everything you might expect but not what you might want from an R-rated, jock comedy version of the camp and titillating but globally beloved TV series. Despite the efforts of its charismatic star and executive producer, the glistening curves and rippling muscles start to wear thin and can’t be saved by a poor hit-to-miss comedy ratio—leaving an increasingly banal and decreasingly funny film that’s far less gratuitously entertaining than it should be.

Similar films you may like (Home Video)

CHIPs (2017)

An irreverent action/comedy film adaptation of the popular 70s TV series, starring Michael Peña and Dax Shepard as two California Highway Patrol motorcycle officers who team up to track down a mysterious group of dirty cops suspected of committing highly organised robberies.

Directed by Dax Shepard and starring Michael Peña, Dax Shepard and Kristen Bell among others.

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